A friend posted a journal of how they used to spend so much time here, and I think I will too.
It's really surreal seeing old things from time to time. Certain sets of Touhou icons that are now a few years old that I remember coming out ahah. I feel old. I'm still only 20. I joined this website when I was 13 on my birthday. Not for rules sake, but just cause I thought I might like it.
I did, it was a part of my every day life. I guess, I still like it, I'm just not so present here. I check in from time to time, read some things, but I don't actively spend time here. I roleplayed every day. The groups I mained soon died out, it was sad. Sometimes I visit the chat room and change the header between a friend and I who pass statuses like notes back and forth to each other, even though we can just text each other. I am still connected to some of these people, and I still love them dearly.
I've been having problems still. For those of you unaware, I have severe depression and anxiety, paranoia, and PTSD. It's a pretty wild ride.
Lately, I have felt nothing. As though there is no joy left inside me. I have small bursts of excitement and happiness that last for a minute, but then it is back to this state of discontent. I'm being put on different medication to try and fix it. It sounds dramatic, but I feel so numb. It's strange because I'm aware that I'm not supposed to feel this way, but it's just how I am. I'd really like to be happy again. I don't know what to do. I just want to sit in bed all day. There is nothing that motivates me. I forget to eat, I forget to leave the room. I just lay here. When I do go out, I immediately want to return to the safety of my room. Even drawing has become hard. I don't want to play video games or watch TV. All I do is sleep, it's pretty pathetic. I've tried buying things to make my happy. Trying new things. Going out with friends. Cooking. Nothing works. I just crawl back in bed and wait there. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I hope it comes soon.